A Question for Myself (And You Too)
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’m constantly learning about myself. I’m still learning about what gets me upset, what brings me fear, and what I like and don’t like. Every day I learn something new it seems.
You would think I’d have most of my likes and dislikes figured out by now given I’m “middle-aged”, but the reality is I don’t. And I’m not sure if I ever will.
Because I’ve learned I am ever-growing — but that growth takes a long time.
Or maybe I was just afraid of change. I know I was afraid of what others thought about me. It consumed me and to be honest, sometimes it still does. Those thoughts of inadequacy creep in daily and I worry a lot about what is happening in my life.
Yet, the more I learn about myself, the happier I seem to be. And the more I learn, the more I understand I’ve never been myself. I’ve been pretending. I’ve been what others wanted me to be so as not to offend their thoughts or beliefs.
But it cost me years of my life.
I was living to avoid conflict because it stresses me out and I end up ruminating on every aspect of that conflict. I wanted others to be happy at the expense of my happiness. I’ve learned the real me has been hiding for too long.
However, what I’m realizing about myself is — right now, I’m more of myself than I’ve ever been before.
I know that will change though. Because every day I get closer to who I want to be. I still have so much to work on, but slowly, my life is coming together. And I will live life the way I want.
I want to do things which don’t align with what everyone else is doing. I don’t mind being different because I’m learning that’s who I am. There is nothing wrong with being different either — despite what we’ve been told.
I want to be me.
Maybe that is something I’m just figuring out too.
I don’t have a message to share today (maybe I never do). I just needed to write and get these thoughts out into the world in the hopes it will help someone who is struggling — because they want to be different too. Or maybe you don’t know who you want to be.
But I want you to know it’s okay to be who you are. Who that is can only be defined by you.
I’m getting there one day at a time. That’s what we should all do.
Who do you want to be?